part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
