sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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