remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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