Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
