I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
