What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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