i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
