In the future we'll all be gay
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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