Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
