There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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