I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I could make wine with my vomit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
