I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
