If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
