Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
