I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
