Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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