So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
