dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
