Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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