He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize