she woke up with a sticky ear
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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