I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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