Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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