I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
