Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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