Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.