If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!