My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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I just want nice things and good sex
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.