He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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