Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
