the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
