ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica