I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
