I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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