I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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