dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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