I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
