Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
