Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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