She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
