3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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