Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
