The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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