How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize