Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
