The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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