Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
