Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
