You really coming over, don't trick.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
