I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
