when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
