You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
