if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
