yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
