you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
