We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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