My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
