So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
