I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
