shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
