I am in a vortex of obligation.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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