oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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