nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
