I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
