Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
