whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
