i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
