she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
