But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
