just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
