I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A bitchslap is in order.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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