lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
