Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
