Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
