i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
