it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ugly people sure do ruin things
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
