I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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