they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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