you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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