I skipped work to stalk him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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